Saturday, September 29, 2012
Let’s CLIMB!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Caste, horoscope and so on
All these sound simple until you’re clear about your intention of your decision, because this frames the skeleton of your further actions. The second reason being that you would be mostly getting into confronting conversation with your would-be in-laws, making them believe that you’re the best for their daughter. Here the stakes are much higher than convincing your prospective employer! Why?
I made a list of questions/ concerns/ thoughts a girl’s father would have in his mind to decide whether you’re the right one for his daughter or not. These questions or concerns come from his thought background of- “this proposal has come in an unwelcome way” (atleast in an Indian situation), “the link to you is only thru my daughter and not thru family or friends or communal references” (in most of the cases).
Here are the questions/ concerns if thrown on the table when met face-to-face with my would-be father-in-law and my personal thoughts to deal with them:
1. The boy belongs to a different caste & is a non-veggie!
o CASTE- As we’re all aware that caste system was made based on the kind of profession taken on by different sects of people in the society. In that case, currently I’m an engineer and so is the girl, hence technically we both belong to the same caste. But that might not qualify to be an answer.
o Hence it’s destiny that I belong to a different caste. If that’s the case then why at all I’m been called to talk with the girl’s father in the first place, if he’s “not” OK with that! So there’s something else to it… it could be that he’s fine with his daughter getting married to another caste boy (though not excited about it), but do the society or the relatives approve it? This point is addressed later in this document.
o There’re also few pointers that you can leverage from the Hindu marriage act, 1955 specific to castes & sub-castes to legalize marriages. This will also indicate that you’re truly educated to have analyzed all possible realities in your bandwidth and not simply hold an academic degree.
o NON-VEGGIE- I eat chicken, egg and fish. And I personally do not want to stop consuming them. He could be having an issue with that for 2 reasons.
i. As a supporter of PETA he might not appreciate me consuming meat for food. I would love this opposition. As a supporter of animal rights, I would also like to pose few points on the consumption of other commodities made out of animals/ or their subsidiaries. Like the leather footwear, belt, wallet, wool, medicines made out of animal fat etc. I’m not sure if you’re checking each and every commodity you use daily if they are made from dead animals only or someone out there is killing them to make an accessory for you. I can also challenge him to be a pure vegan not to even consume milk or by products. These answers could be offending and also there could be a possibility that the point is not done yet. If yes, then switch to the 2nd one below.
ii. As a pure veggie by birth he would not appreciate his son-in law being a meat eater. If this reason is strong enough to break the proposal, then I’m ready to quit non-veg. Now, if you consider this as a sacrifice, then the intention of the forthcoming marriage is at jeopardy. It should be sincerely considered as a choice of will.
2. Does the horoscope match?
o Be very clear whether you believe in this or not. If you believe in this field, then the outcome of the horoscope matching is the verdict for go/no-go. If you don’t believe in this, then don’t resist the horoscope check if the other party is keen on that. Again, remember that the idea here is not to show-up as a rebel & become a hero. Idea is to cross the obstacle with ease & grace.
o "Horoscope matched?” If yes, don’t utter a word and be in the flow
o If no- then work begins… browse web and spend time on understanding the basics of horoscope. Understand the issue about the mismatch of your horoscope with that of your fiancĂ©. Humbly check if there is any work around for the issue. Request to take it another astrologer. If the result is favoring you, then gently challenge the verdict of the previous astrologer. If the result is same and no workaround- educate them about the redundancy of horoscope in the modern world where the boy & the girl are already in agreement for communion (I’m not sure whether the statements are true. I’m only trying to work-out the situation). Understand the technical issues with the mismatch and its impact on marriage and address them. This might not resolve the issue of mismatch, however indicates the confidence and commitment you have in making this proposal work. After-all they’re looking for that trait itself in you to ensure you’re serious about the whole marriage thing!
o Above work is definitely herculean, but there’s no short-cut to hard work. And more so you are addressing a deal breaker of your life! So you better put-in proportional amount of efforts.
3. What does the boy do for his living?
o Employed as an engineer in a respectable (private) company.
o Atleast has the dignity of labor and is confident of driving the family on his own.
4. Is he well educated?
o Engineer (BE Mech)… [all the other CADD, C++ & Java courses you have attended is irrelevant for this interview]
5. How much is he paid? (most critical)
o Tell exactly the number that you drew last month without hesitation and with pride.
o To exceed the expectation, you could also have a high-level plan of monthly expenditure and how comfortably you could manage life with that salary.
o Future promises of probable hikes in salary in the office, is never a value adder. What’s current is the one that’s important.
6. Is the financial condition of the boy’s family good enough?
o Have exact idea of the property (fixed and variable) associated with you.
o Make clear distinction of properties in your name and your family members’ names
o State only legal facts never exaggerate them to look good
7. Family background… ?
o Good, decent, and so on…
o Ensure you give a picture about their daughter happily spending rest of her life with them.
o Again never over-estimate facts. It’s allowed in this case not to mention unfavorable non-critical facts, but never lie or give false impression.
8. What does the society say?
o Who all does the society refers to according to them? Obtain clear understanding of that.
o Never pronounce someone in that list not important… remember you don’t know their world.
o Gently re-define who all could actually fit-into their society.
o Offer to invite all of them to invite to a suitable location and you’re ready to meet them in person clear the concerns. Be ready to take-up that challenge. Don’t worry... that’s a rare possibility… however it gives immense confidence in your decision and ownership of the problem.
9. What do our family members/ relatives say?
o Offer the same proposal as in for society concern.
o However, be more adaptive in communication style here. Remember- idea is not become a hero in that forum, but the idea is only to project a presentable figure simply to obtain their approval only. Job is done after that.
10. Is the boy “good”? referring to character mainly
o Tough to provide self-testimony; never give them your FB/ Orkut profile for that
o Infact you can offer to provide a conduct certificate from your company, which is more neutral, unbiased and more acceptable in the society. Trust me…it’s just an offer; nobody wants it in real. But make the offer; they would atleast know that you have an option to address the concern.
11. How do I get the younger one married, if the elder one gets an inter caste?
o With the reference of the basis of creation of caste system, base the argument on the non-criticality of inter-caste marriage in the current society. However, this does not address the issue completely.
o Show the confidence of creating a great marriage with the current proposal. Let him truly see more than a son in-law in you. He must see you as a moral support system for their family in the future. In this background show the commitment of creating such a married life that any concern/ doubt in an inter-caste marriage is eradicated from his mind! Therefore, getting the younger one married is no more a challenge instead it’s easier, having you on their side supporting the cause.
12. Can I get them married this year itself? Or…. do I have enough money for the wedding?
o This year or next year or whenever it could be… let them decide the date without any materialistic constraints.
o If the concern is finance… there comes your real boldness. Step-up and volunteer to finance “your” wedding. Be it fully or partially with discussion with your fiancĂ©. This is the real test of your commitment to converting your proposal to wedding.
In all of the above, the idea is to address all the concerns and create workability. And never to negate any concern… not even a single one. Anything that might sound silly & petty to you could be a critical one for other party.
All of the above is valid if-and-only-if you’re clear that the marriage is to happen only after complete agreement from both parties. I was very clear of that prior to my wedding and naturally had to go thru all the rigor of preparation for the toughest question paper. Fortunately to my surprise the question paper turned out to be pretty simple for me. Hence, I could get thru convincing the critical stake holders with lesser turmoil and flying colors.Nevertheless the exercise made me more sensitive a person to other people’s world, and qualified me to draft this document. There’re no free lunches, my friend!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
My first half marathon
Start point of the race was given as Ranganatittu bird sanctuary cross, Srinrangapatna. Three of my office colleagues accompanied me from Bangalore on that day morning to reach the start point. My colleague Alagarsamy picked me, Abhi and Aseem and we hit the road at 4.00AM in the morning. Though dawn was clear, my eyes had intermittent hazy vision due to the short stint of sleep the previous night of just about 3 hours. I took over the driving job post Kengeri since I was conversant with the route, which completely left me no room to rest my eyes.
We were on the start point on dot! Meaning, absolutely no leisure time to stretch or warm-upourselves. Speakers were blaring with announcement of the start of half marathon, that too ahead of schedule. Organizers were proud of it, though I was not. I badly needed a couple of minutes more to warm myself after 2 hours of AC ambiance! However the excitement of starting the race along with the pro-league has a charm and glamour of its own.
Runners of all kinds were present. Irrespective of being an avid runner to a beginner (like me), runners were sophisticatedly decked up with iPods, synced with Nike+ health monitors, wrist watches (each sized close to a Glucose biscuit) with all kinds of running info providers and knee & shin, elbow supporters; everything to suit individual running comfort. Sporty headbands and bandanas, flashy running outfits and a variety of water bottles and squeezers created an enchanting ambience of running splashing the spirit of sport in the air.
The running trail was off Ranaganatittu bird sanctuary road, starting ~50metres off the main road towards the bird sanctuary (and not essentially inside the sanctuary). The trail is typically dug by the bullock carts and tractors, which shuttle on a routine. The trail thus stamped was about five to six feet wide and 700 half-marathon runners had just begun their race. Few to win and be declared the best of the lot, and few simply to finish the marathon, time it for themselves and feel proud. The latter formed the major crowd
I heard that a total of about 900 runners participated. About 700 of them took part in the half (21.1kms), about 100 running the full (42.2kms) and the rest treading the 10K run. Numbers might not be accurate, rather only to define the proportion of participation. The full marathon had begun 15 minutes prior to that of half at 6.30AM and the 10K run was scheduled to begin at 8.00AM.
After a swift warmup, I started for the run. My timing chip fitted to my shoes transmitted a beep in the receiver that pronounced the start of my first half marathon. In the mood of a half-baked bread I turned-on my stopwatch sporting a professional act, in the wake of exceeding my personal expectations of that day. First five minutes I was busy adjusting my sun glasses over my forehead since the sun had not shown-up yet and tying-up the head phones chords across my running Tee connecting my heavy-duty mobile phone and selecting the playlist. A song from “Rock-on” played-on and I could sense the warmth of my body brimming out by then and I was feeling the pulse picking-up.
I reached the 5K-point comfortably, where a board read “Take U-turn for 10K”. I felt happy that I got myself graduated to the bigger game of 21.1K. I kept running observing my breath constantly. I wanted to maintain the breathing rhythm as far as possible, since I knew that, the moment I begin to gasp for breath, that’ll be the end of my run. The key here is (my personal experience), as long as my body is maintaining the oxygen saturation levels thru blood circulation, my respiratory system need not strain itself to gasp for more air, and hence not strain my muscles and drain myself inhaling harder and go puffing.
The trail was as expected a mix of well-set mud with loose and sintered gravel, along with a tiny patches of tarmac. This uneven, rough and off-road trail made the run harder for me avoiding any ankle twist or tripping on my face. A canal of Cauvery ran to the left of the trail for close to about 80% of the trail, and she was in her full might. To the right of the trail and beyond the canal was only green expanse of paddy fields in their varying stages of life cycle. Being a Sunday, farmers were busy ploughing, few chatting among themselves in between work and few taking pictures and recording videos of the runners in their mobiles, and few trying hard to console their oxen while the latter getting paranoid looking at this flashy human-stock stampeding their trails.
The trail felt like never-ending, running through various patches of the route. By then the great divide of the pro-runners, not-so-pro-runners and beginner runners had happened maintaining their natural pace. The pro ones had already taken the U-turn and running back to the finish line. That gave me some relief that the U-turn is approaching, but how far it is would depend upon the running league I belong to- pro, not-so-pro or beginner (this is hard to comment on). And at last I sighted the U-turn of the marathon at 10.5kms mark. Half-marathoners would loop this circuit once to finish their race; however the full-marathoners have to loop it twice. There was a water counter with biscuits, peeled oranges, bananas, cookie sized sandwiches, along with water and Lucozade sport drink. These quick-grabs of food would sprinkle some energy in the runners who have started race in an empty stomach.
I was already feeling triumphant for reaching the half point. Half of my run was complete! I took note of my stopwatch reading at the end of the loop, which read around 58 minutes. Another reason to make me happy, that my timing had improved from 61 minutes of 2010 Sunfeast 10K to the current run. I still had no idea till then how the return journey would be!
I was bumping into my running partner Abhi quite often post the U-turn, though he was maintaining a short distance of lead all thru. I could see him just better than limping some times. His foot had already gone from bad to worse due to the blisters that had popped-up beneath his foot. SPB, Chitra, Kunal and few others were still humming in my ears thru my headphones powered by my phone. I realized this in my previous run while climbing the Nandi hills that music did had an effect on my run. It helped me focus on the run and not let loose the mind to wander around and go complaining about the sport itself.
In a short while after the U-turn, may be about 12 or 13kms, the short playlist on my phone started repeating the songs. I felt I was not desperate for that music anymore and removed the plugs from my ears. I could not believe it; it was a new opening of the race for me. The sounds of the smooth rapids of the river, chirping of the birds, mixed with not-so-rhythmic gallop of the runners, all these added a different dimension to the run. I felt I had missed this for three-quarters of the race already!
This luxury did not last long anyways. The sun had really picked-up and was in full-throttle shedding his heat on the humble runners. Though my breathing was still in control, my limbs were giving-up on me. They had not expected such a prolonged strain soon after a luxury drive.
I was not finding any reason for my act of running that morning, that too for 21kms! I was fighting hard inside more than outside finding out why I was doing this to myself. Few interesting thoughts (at least for me) that came up:
- I’ve publicized about my run before a considerable crowd and I can not get back saying “I could not do it…”
- I had never had a “bad” timing in my previous runs, I cannot lose this one since it’s longer than the former ones
- I have boasted before my wife that I can comfortably finish the run. I’ll be a loser if I give-up half way
- My FIL thinks that I’m adventurous and keep taking such new challenges… what would he think of me if I come home without at least a decent story!
- I’ve come all the way 100kms from Bangalore for this run on a Sunday morning, and I better give it my best shot ….. and so on…
Whatever thoughts flew-by, I kept running, breaking for a while and brisk walking and again running. Finally made it to the last 5km mark. Added disappointments at times were when a couple of ladies whom I had overtaken earlier with heroism were running past me now. This was a definitely a slap on my ego! I had to gather all my spiritual and abstract concepts of philosophies within me to overcome this fatigue of failure. I consoled myself that this is still my first half marathon and with His grace I would have more opportunities for a payback
Runners were screaming with intermittent panting that the finish line is nearing... “…it’s 200mts.. 400mts… 250mts…” Such a simple number-game also annoyed me. I wanted someone to scream-out the exact number. How can someone say something just for the sake of motivation? I realized that these conversations in me were due to the cramps in my thigh, calf and muscle sticking on the shinbone that had lately sneaked in.
Every step was an effort; however the finish line is always magical. Irrespective of the body condition, one gets all the energy and zeal to touch it at the earliest and be done with the race. The same I guess happened with me and the anchor on the microphone shouted-out my name closing the finish line and the timing chip on my shoes again obediently transmitted another beep. My first half marathon was complete. Halted my over-exhausted stopwatch... it read 2hours 39mins. Abhi had finished it 5 minutes earlier than me. We exchanged a hi-fi and limped thru the crowd to warm down, drink some water and fuel ourselves with some carbohydrates. Though not enough energy was left in my oxygen starved body to celebrate the victory, the mind was in its full-high.
I was tired, I was blank & I was happy. Seldom could I experience all of these at once. May be I ran to experience this moment. Now I have a reason to run again, run better. I acknowledge my parents and my wife for motivating themselves to wonder more over my victories in disbelief, my running friends for constantly encouraging me during practice and the race to get better timing, RFL for creating opportunities to generate a sporting identity for ourselves. And not to forget Chiranjeevi, Sridevi, Farhan and other stars without connecting to whose songs I could not have stretched myself at the nick of the moment
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Blind date with life
In my mind the entire 70mm film-show with Dolby sound effect of an uneventful replay of my mom's conversation with one of my teachers was playing. I had just resumed my class after one of those greatest turning points of my life.
Mom was talking to this teacher who used to teach Kannada literature for us. My colorful report card was in her hand. I call it colorful, since it had more of red marks than plain blue ink. I walked down the stairs towards them. My mom looked at me with grief with a can-you-ever-score-better look on her face. In fact she had that look till I passed-out of my school, which I'm not too proud of.
I then realized as to why this teacher was talking to my mom. She happenned to be my sister's teacher too and my sister was once her favorite student. I was her not-so-happening-brother when it came to academics, existing in the same school. Now I almost expected her forthcoming dialogues from her overwhelmingly emoted face. And it came out this way:
"... Oh... neenu Kowsthubhana tammaana'aa...! Matte yaake heeg vodtteeya?.. "
(translation: "... Oh... are you the brother of Kowsthubha...! Then why do you study like this?..." )
And she was expecting an answer from me. I had got pretty much habituated by then to face such situations by putting-up a dumb and confused face. However, it was hard for me to react on that day. There was hard knot that was struggling to get-down my throat. My school stairs started to shake underneath, and felt like standing on thousand needles poking thru my sole of my shoes. I wish I had an answer for that question. I foolishly pretended that was thinking of one.
That's when it struck me that, "this is not a good state to be in". May be all my classmates around me are also thinking the same as my teacher! I started to dislike them all (except a few, I should accept).
I knew something should happen now to turn my world topsy-turvy. May be an earthquake, a volcanic eruption right below my school, heavy rain washing out all my answer papers and reports in that school... something... something miraculous. In fact I waited for a few days too
if something like that might happen but nothing did. A few more class tests went past during that waiting period and I had mastered the act of looking dumb.
However, I managed to pass-out from that school with good marks, exceeding the expectation of my parents and teachers.
But, I had decided in the background that I'll not meet this bunch of people from my school again. Atleast till I prove my metal.
I decided to take-up Diploma, since none of those classmates would be there to torture me with their pre-concieved looks. I sugar-coated that decision by saying that I wanted to become an engineer and there is no point in studying languages and botany as in +2! I was literally running-away from that school gang.
As I remember I only studied during that time, in the hope to change my image as a "dumbo". Miraculously it worked. I got a 1st class in the 1st year, and people started to treat me as god. They used to pick-up my notes, they used to check with me how many times I revised the subject before exam, lecturers used to ask for my notes by the end of term... and stuff like that. I liked it so much. This is the space that I always wanted to be in for almost a decade. My parents almost got their life back.
It's such a parody in this era that, parents' happiness is directly proportional to the marks scored by their children. I mean, it's nothing wrong, but just the guilt factor in the child would only increase exponentially.
I passed-out of diploma by scoring 2nd in my class. Joined a job that came my way, in which domain I remain in till date. Got admission in evening engineering quite easily due to my considerable score in diploma. Managed both full-time job and engineering and finished the graduation with a good score. Atleast by then my parents had started to take pride in my achievements!
Now am working in a decent MNC, leading a small but competent team, thumping a
couple of patents in my kitty & leading a blissful life.
But when I look back, I see that the entire path of my career was not literally chosen out of my instincts, but was blindly driven simply by a statement made by that Kannada teacher!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Slow >>Forward
Set: Late evening, Hospital, tube-light blinking far away
In the black background, zooming-out on the word "Slow Forward". Above this phrase is a picture of a man's sketch in the meditating (sitting) posture. Zoom out of the picture frame (of ~8"x12")
Then the camera frame slides right and scrolls across another frame where there is a quote:
"Discontent is the first necessity of progress" - Thomas A. Edison
The camera frame again keeps sliding to the right to find a Red Zero candle bulb on, below which a board stuck saying "Operation Theatre". The camera stops there and pauses. The light goes off.
The cry of a newborn is heard
The camera frame covers the left hand of the newborn. A mole on the thumb is seen.
A right hand (almost white in color) touches the baby's hand
The sound of the cry fades-out
Scene-2
Set: Well lit sophisticated living room, Dance number playing loudly fades-in
Camera frame focuses on the right end of the table. A half eaten and broken pieces of Chocolate bar is seen. Camera is moving to the left. Then the bottom part of coke can that is defrosted is seen. The condensed frost is spread around the can along with silt coke on the table. The iPad is switched on and a game is running without being controlled. A pizza is a half eaten. Then the camera still scrolls left to see the laptop open. The camera goes up, there is a guy working on the comp with a headset on speaking over phone. The guy is wearing a round-neck T-shirt. There is wind blowing on the face of the guy from a fan not seen on the frame. The camera moves to the left focusing on laptop keyboard and finds the black mole on the left thumb of the guy and quickly camera moves over the head of the guy. The frame covers the 3-quarters of the top of the guy's head and a quarter of the face seeing from the top.
The guy speaking over phone: ..dude... get done with your work soon and let's catch-up for a drink. (Pause) Get your SUV, fuel is on me.. (Pause).. Yeah I'm sure... my company wants me spend something on fuel but I hardly do... so don' worry on that... huh.. And I'm inviting 3 of my friends ok!.. The drink is on me again... after all why do we have all the perks! (Laughs) (The other guy speaking on phone... pause.. pause) yeah... yeah.. no sweat about my parents. They would come from the airport and would be at home; I'll catch-up with them next morning.... whenever we get back (laughs)! Aright then.. Catch u later! (Hangs-up, throws the headset down)
The light illuminates on top of his head
The guy raises his head slowly over his shoulder, stares at the light for a moment. & Asks... ...aaa.. What's-up dude? You need something... (Pause for 2 seconds)... .. aa.. Hello!!
A deep-echoed voice speaks: Can you really give me what I need...! I guess you guys have taken everything from me
Strange/ dirty look from the guy.. smiling, questioning... says..
The expression on the guys face gradually eases to an expressionless face. A second after that, the same almost white-colored palm is placed on the head of the guy
The scene fades into complete white screen
Scene-3
Set: Early-morning, a green patch of land (paddy field), a tree in the middle, chirping sound of the birds
The guy sitting under the tree, & a beam of light is coming from the top onto his head. Only the silhouette of his body is seen
Camera zooms only to his eyes, and eyes open slowly and gently.
The smile that comes up on his face is expressed from his eyes.
The camera shifts to his back and he gets-up and starts walking away from the camera facing inside.
The camera shifts to his bare right-foot. 4 apples are to the forward-right of the right-foot
He bends and picks 1 apple from his left hand. The black model is seen then.
The camera shifts to show only his foot in the center of the frame from the back.
Sound of the bite of the apple is heard and he starts walking.
The screen fades-in to complete white
Scene-4
Set: White screen
The wordings emerges from behind:
"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed"
Then emerges:
"- Mahatma Gandhi"
"The End" emerges at the right bottom corner of the frame



