Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blind date with life

It was a warm sunny evening. After the late lunch hour in my school I was sitting there somewhere feeling very insignificant in the classroom. I guess it was social-science period and had absolutely no idea what was going on.
In my mind the entire 70mm film-show with Dolby sound effect of an uneventful replay of my mom's conversation with one of my teachers was playing. I had just resumed my class after one of those greatest turning points of my life.
Mom was talking to this teacher who used to teach Kannada literature for us. My colorful report card was in her hand. I call it colorful, since it had more of red marks than plain blue ink. I walked down the stairs towards them. My mom looked at me with grief with a can-you-ever-score-better look on her face. In fact she had that look till I passed-out of my school, which I'm not too proud of.
I then realized as to why this teacher was talking to my mom. She happenned to be my sister's teacher too and my sister was once her favorite student. I was her not-so-happening-brother when it came to academics, existing in the same school. Now I almost expected her forthcoming dialogues from her overwhelmingly emoted face. And it came out this way:
"... Oh... neenu Kowsthubhana tammaana'aa...! Matte yaake heeg vodtteeya?.. "
(translation: "... Oh... are you the brother of Kowsthubha...! Then why do you study like this?..." )
And she was expecting an answer from me. I had got pretty much habituated by then to face such situations by putting-up a dumb and confused face. However, it was hard for me to react on that day. There was hard knot that was struggling to get-down my throat. My school stairs started to shake underneath, and felt like standing on thousand needles poking thru my sole of my shoes. I wish I had an answer for that question. I foolishly pretended that was thinking of one.
That's when it struck me that, "this is not a good state to be in". May be all my classmates around me are also thinking the same as my teacher! I started to dislike them all (except a few, I should accept).
I knew something should happen now to turn my world topsy-turvy. May be an earthquake, a volcanic eruption right below my school, heavy rain washing out all my answer papers and reports in that school... something... something miraculous. In fact I waited for a few days too
if something like that might happen but nothing did. A few more class tests went past during that waiting period and I had mastered the act of looking dumb.
However, I managed to pass-out from that school with good marks, exceeding the expectation of my parents and teachers.
But, I had decided in the background that I'll not meet this bunch of people from my school again. Atleast till I prove my metal.
I decided to take-up Diploma, since none of those classmates would be there to torture me with their pre-concieved looks. I sugar-coated that decision by saying that I wanted to become an engineer and there is no point in studying languages and botany as in +2! I was literally running-away from that school gang.
As I remember I only studied during that time, in the hope to change my image as a "dumbo". Miraculously it worked. I got a 1st class in the 1st year, and people started to treat me as god. They used to pick-up my notes, they used to check with me how many times I revised the subject before exam, lecturers used to ask for my notes by the end of term... and stuff like that. I liked it so much. This is the space that I always wanted to be in for almost a decade. My parents almost got their life back.
It's such a parody in this era that, parents' happiness is directly proportional to the marks scored by their children. I mean, it's nothing wrong, but just the guilt factor in the child would only increase exponentially.
I passed-out of diploma by scoring 2nd in my class. Joined a job that came my way, in which domain I remain in till date. Got admission in evening engineering quite easily due to my considerable score in diploma. Managed both full-time job and engineering and finished the graduation with a good score. Atleast by then my parents had started to take pride in my achievements!
Now am working in a decent MNC, leading a small but competent team, thumping a
couple of patents in my kitty & leading a blissful life.

But when I look back, I see that the entire path of my career was not literally chosen out of my instincts, but was blindly driven simply by a statement made by that Kannada teacher!

1 comment:

  1. Well... Cest La Vie!

    Good that you have identified the reason for some of the patterns in your life! I think you are now completed with it. Good for you!

    My story is more or less similar to yours. While it is true that somethings are blindly driven, it is also most certain that it was our choice.

    Courage keeps us moving! and we need to accept our results in any form.

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