This is an old subject, yet many strings hanging lose. It is quite simple by arrangement, but made very complex in practice. People take this very seriously while they also crack jokes about it endlessly. There are more myths about it than facts. Further, the current generation has tweaked it, turned it and twisted it to suit their lifestyles.
I am married for 10 years now. Being adventurous in nature, I am loving it. But as the word "adventure" goes, it is not a smooth sail. And who says that life is one! When I slice that rough time-period and see- is it my life not a smooth sail or is it my my marriage; is it my marriage not a smooth sail in my life or is it my life not a smooth sail in my marriage? There I am, messed-up already!
Therefore, let's get to basics.
The man is the Purusha and the woman is the Prakriti. The nature in the woman enables her to grow a life inside her. However, Purusha the man should sow the seed of life to sprout inside her. The nature is designed in such a way that the woman cannot create life all by herself. There should be a man to sow the seed. Once the seed is sown it is not in her control of the growth of life inside her. The nature takes care of it. In contrary, Purusha the man has the control whether to sow the seed or not. Though the force of nature inside him keeps pushing him to sow seeds inside Prakriti the woman; it is the consciousness of the man that really chooses when to sow the seed in the woman. Man and the Woman have their unique roles to play here. They are not equal but they are exclusive.
Marriage is a social arrangement where Purusha the man and Prakriti the woman come together to create a new life. Prior to their marriage, it becomes paramount that the man is super clear why he wants to marry. It is the man’s responsibility to be conscious and be aware of his decision. For the man’s consciousness is the one that sows the seed of life, in fact. The woman’s consciousness does not become essentially paramount in being super clear whether or not to be married. For the nature inside her is such. However, it becomes paramount for her to be super clear on whom she is choosing to sow the seed of life inside her. Once chosen, it is not in her conscious limits of when to grow a new life. For it is the man who decides. That's nature.
Essential questions to be answered prior marriage-
Man- WHY should I marry?
Woman- WHOM should I marry?
"WHY" should be his question. "WHO" should be her question.
This also implies that one need not marry at all if both do not find a reason to do so. It is absolutely fair to stay unmarried, rather that marrying without clarity and create children without clarity. And the classic example of such is the current scenario of the world where there are thousands of us living not knowing what to do with our lives. We will discuss more about the impact later.
Once the man and the woman have their questions sorted, only then they should have them married. For these questions become the corner stones of their forthcoming married life.
Analogy- a piece of land does not have control on which plant to grow. The nature of the land is to sprout life out of the seed sown by the gardener. Regardless of the fertility of the land, it cannot grow life until there is a seed sown. The gardener chooses when to sow the seed. It is the consciousness of the gardener that matters when he wants to sow the seed in the land. Once the seed is sown, the land pours life into the seed and germinates a plant out of it. Land is the Prakriti and the gardener is the Purusha.
The woman’s responsibility
In the married life, the woman bears the man’s child and gives birth to a new life. Therefore, she is wholly entitled to grow the life into an independent being. It is her responsibility to provide the child the necessary physical and emotional inputs for the child’s growth. Nobody has the authority to question her parenting style. Irrespective of the man’s support, the woman is naturally designed to carry out everything in her capacity to grow the child into an adult. Her man’s support in this is only a bonus, of course would add value as well. Analogous to the gardener pouring manure and water for better growth of the plant.
It is also her responsibility in providing everything in her capacity to ensure that her man is getting what he wanted in that marriage. Be it physical-emotional companionship and his children growing healthy.
The man’s responsibility
In the married life, his responsibility is to ensure that the woman is kept completely satisfied in all respects. This is his paramount responsibility. During his married life, the man shall take all or most actions only in the path to satisfy the needs of his woman. He has no other responsibilities than this one. If he is potential to take-on more responsibilities such as taking care of some more people including his parents, his siblings etc., he could. However, they are all his added responsibilities. There could be situations where the parents or his siblings need additional support. The woman may choose to support and not the man. For the man, it is to take care of his woman only. If these additional responsibilities are so overwhelming that he is pulled into this more than his primary responsibility, then he should review his earlier decision of “why he wanted to marry” while he already has enough and more duties to perform as a son, a brother and so on. Men with such overwhelming responsibilities should choose not to marry and fully focus on taking care of people in their lives. Sailing on two boats unnecessarily breeds stress that further spills into the life of his child.
Therefore, not every man gets to marry, unlike woman. Only those men who are confident on fully satisfying his woman's needs for large periods of time (like 30+ years) should marry. Else you are simply kidding with lives.
Another prime responsibility of the man is to impart sufficient awareness to his child to lead a consciousness life. For the man’s consciousness is the source of the child’s birth, it is he who must forward this consciousness to his child. The mother grew the child physically inside her and then outside of her, and therefore the physical growth of the child is what is expected out of the mother. The mother imparting consciousness is a bonus; however, it is the prime responsibility of the father.
The man’s sole responsibility being to satisfy his woman, the woman stays focused at her man’s requirements à there is no irrational expectations from each other. This is an off-shoot from the questions that are sorted before getting into the arrangement of marriage (the WHY and the WHO questions).
When the man’s complete focus is to satisfy all the needs of his woman, the woman turns ecstatic in her relationship. Once the woman is happy and fully satisfied, she doesn’t turn to another man for anything. When women in the society are satisfied inside their marriages, no woman is available for any other man. When the woman focuses on providing everything in her capacity to her man, the man is not seeking anything outside his marriage à no extra-marital affairs in the society.
Such a marriage creates healthy and conscious children. Further, such human beings would only breed a conscious society. It shows-up in how people dress, talk, eat, interact and live their lives.
When the marriage gets older
The social agreement of the Marriage is till the death of either the man or the woman. However, the nature inside the woman and the man gradually over time gets inefficient in creating a new life. The woman reaches menopause earlier than her man. That could be considered as the nature’s mark for the man and woman’s marriage at the physical level. Or the both can reach a mutual agreement about it when all their children reach their adulthood (21 years)
Analogy- when the land in which the gardener was sowing seeds and raising plants has over time lost its fertility completely, their relationship cannot be the same and it must be reviewed and reinvented.
The woman has successfully completed her duty of raising her children physically into adults and the man has successfully imparted all the required consciousness to them. Post that phase, the man and woman could mutually part for a certain predetermined time (if they wish to do so in isolation) to recreate the rest of their lives and plan individually, considering their current physical and emotional conditions. The lives must be considered again as individuals now (like those two man and woman who individually sorted the WHY and the WHO questions before marriage).
Sufficient time must be taken by both to plan the rest of their lives. Their rest of the life unfolds in two phases until death, which are: (1) Dedicating themselves to the society and (2) Self-awareness; both in proportions of their choice. They would go ahead and execute their plans individually or together depending on the overlap in their plans and their willingness to be and do it together.
Using the fundamental design of man and woman as raw materials, it is simpler to decipher the marriage "Institution".
However, there is jinx to use this understanding and operate in a marriage in the current societal structure. This is because of the myths, beliefs and the dogma prevailing in the society and we usually derail from performing the fundamental duties in our marriage. But there is a good news as well, which is- there is only one person who should resonate with this thought along with you in this whole world. And it is your SPOUSE.
End of the day- this is purely my thought and analysis to bring peace into my life and my marriage. The reader is free to either trash it or embrace it.